The Chronicles Of The Ambassador Of Awesome

FaceMeDave

Sun, 15 Jan 2006 22:44:07 GMT

Wow, I'm updating. Check it, fools. So, it's 2006 now and I decided that everyone has to want to know what's going on with me. First off, the Steelers just beat the Colts today, so I'm pumped. First #6 seed to make it to a Championship game! Nextily, all the hard work paid off. I will be playing Mark Antony in Julius Caesar at the illustrious Marshall University Theatre. I worked my butt off for months to get this role. It should be a great show, so people need to come check it out.

In future news, I'm gradutating at the end of this semester in May, which means now I'm looking at graduate schools. I'll be at U/RTA in NYC at the end of January and SETC in Orlando a little while after that. ACTF is coming up soon, and I think I may have figured out my scenes finally.

I really have nothing else to say. Thank you for your attention.

Wow, girls really don't how to play video games. J/K

Fri, 21 Jan 2005 19:48:18 GMT

Woman deletes ex's Lineage data in act of revenge

Police say the couple originally met through the online role-playing game.
One Japanese Lineage player recently suffered a serious setback after his ex-girlfriend illegally accessed his game account and deleted game data, including weapons, according to Mainichi Daily News.

The 30-something Takaoka woman allegedly used her ex's user name and password to access the account. When police asked her why she did it, she told them, "I did it as revenge for breaking up with me," Mainichi reported. According to the Takaoka police, the couple reportedly met through the game in the fall of 2003 but soon broke up.

Although the perpetrator didn't steal any actual money, the loss was still painful. Lineage players must spend hours earning the funds necessary to buy exorbitantly priced weapons and armor needed by higher-level chacters to survive in the online role-playing game.

For more on Lineage II, read our full review.

By Beth Winegarner -- GameSpot
POSTED: 01/20/05 04:34 PM PST

Icecrown Rules!

Wed, 19 Jan 2005 01:22:15 GMT

World of Warcraft wracked by problems

Server and stability issues dogged Blizzard's critically lauded MMORPG over the holiday weekend, generating player and press backlash.
Chances are if you were a PC gamer who was lucky enough to both have a copy of World of Warcraft and Monday off for Martin Luther King Jr. Day, you probably planned on spending a good chunk of the weekend playing the massively multiplayer online role-playing game. Unfortunately, chances are you encountered some serious problems while doing so.

According to some reports, as many as 20 of the 88 servers running World of Warcraft were down over the weekend. These outages followed a scheduled systemwide, daylong outage on Thursday, during which time developer-publisher Blizzard was supposedly upgrading its server system. However, the changes simply caused even more widespread problems. "The servers were outright broken the evenings of Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday," grumbled one upset player to GameSpot editors. As a result of the downed servers, many gamers were kicked off the servers or forced to endure waits of more than one hour...if they could log on at all. Finally, on Sunday, all the servers were again brought down for "emergency service."

Yesterday, Blizzard apologized at length on the official World of Warcraft forums before implementing a stopgap fix. "As a temporary solution, we have placed lower population restrictions on the affected realms; this results in queues when the population reaches a certain number. This is a short-term solution and, while undesirable, is in place to keep the realms more stable while we work on the main cause of the issues." While they increased server stability, the population caps caused long waits, further angering already furious gamers.

Today, Blizzard announced on the front page of the official World of Warcraft Web site that "due to the extended nature of the server issues, we will be providing a free 48-hour extension of play time." However, this offer did little to assuage the wrath of angry players.

Besides the bilious comments that littered the game's forums, the backlash extended into the gaming press. One of the editors of Penny Arcade announced that he was rescinding the 2004 Game of the Year award the popular game site bestowed on World of Warcraft. This despite a previously close relationship between Penny Arcade and Blizzard, which saw several of the site's signature comic strips appear in the game guide.

As of Tuesday afternoon, players trying to log on to World of Warcraft were still experiencing significant delays. GameSpot editors who attempted to log on at 4:30pm PST were informed that more than 500 players were waiting in line ahead of them.

By Tor Thorsen -- GameSpot

EA, I hate you.

Mon, 17 Jan 2005 20:11:18 GMT

Electronic Arts, ESPN hook up in exclusive 15-year deal

ESPN brand and programming to surface in EA sports titles on all platforms; deal is second blow to Sega Sports and Visual Concepts.
Electronic Arts broke the calm of a national holiday today by announcing a licensing deal of epic proportions. For the next fifteen years, EA will be the sole licensee of the ESPN brand in the area of sports games, which will include console, handheld, PC, and wireless games.

Games with leverage the ESPN brand will make their way to retail sometime during calendar year 2006, "upon the conclusion of ESPN’s existing video game licensing commitments."

The news is the second blow to current license-holder Sega (and its Visual Concepts development studio). It recently lost the right to publish sports games using the NFL license when EA scooped that license up. Now, it loses the right to the ESPN brand as well.

In a statement released just minutes ago, the world's largest game publisher said, "The relationship will include established EA SPORTS franchises--which will be enhanced by ESPN telecast, print and online content--as well as new sports games to be published by EA based on ESPN media properties."

The agreement is for fifteen years "with an option to terminate after ten years under certain conditions," the statement said. The agreement gives the publisher "exclusive first rights" to all ESPN content for simulation sports games.

By Curt Feldman -- GameSpot

A Little Thought Before Election Day

Thu, 28 Oct 2004 04:01:42 GMT

Bush Voted Year's Top Film Villain

American President George W. Bush has topped an unlikely poll in Britain - as this year's top screen villain. Bush won the dubious accolade for his unauthorized appearance in Michael Moore's anti-Bush documentary Fahrenheit 9/11. The politician beat out the likes of Doc Ock, played by Alfred Molina, in Spider-Man 2; The Texas Chainsaw Massacre's Leatherface; Andy Serkis' Gollum from Lord Of The Rings trilogy; and Elle Driver, the assassin played by Daryl Hannah in Kill Bill. Almost 10,000 people voted in the poll, conducted by Total Film Magazine.

A Little Thought For Election Day

Thu, 28 Oct 2004 04:00:35 GMT

A Little Thought Before Election Day

Thu, 28 Oct 2004 03:58:34 GMT

Effin' Right!

Sun, 12 Sep 2004 02:17:40 GMT

LJ House Party by fayray

Username

The DJ

frackass

The Drunk

honkeysop

The Hottie

nicoletta182

The Wallflower

mrputtputt

The Player

autchristine

The Gambler

thegoogly

The Horny One

thedean311

The Crasher

mistersleepless

The Love Interest

lanemyer81

How many people got laid

Chances the party will be a sucess: 74%

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Get Jealous And Get Shopping, Drones!

Tue, 17 Aug 2004 14:07:58 GMT

Okay, this is going to be a really quick post unlike that other one. Toys'R'Us is going out of business and there's a great sale on video games going on, so get over there! For 49 dollars, here's what I got: 2 XBox System Link cables, this Daredevil Digital Comic Book DVD w/ 8 Kevin Smith-written (from when he actually wrote comics) issues on it, and 5 new XBox games: Prince Of Persia - The Sands Of Time, Unreal Championship, Beyond Good & Evil, Deus Ex - Invisible War, and XIII. Go to it!

A Convo To Make Me Millions...Or Zillions

Tue, 17 Aug 2004 13:58:59 GMT

Okay, this is going to be a long one, champs, so buckle up and prepare for fanboydom. I'm going to copy/paste a conversation that TheGoogly and I had this morning mocking certain aspects of the comic community currently (Say that 3 times fast, b*tches!). Oooookay, heads up!

DWarwick221 (9:25:04 AM): did you hear about the new additions to post-Disassembled Avengers?
DWarwick221 (9:25:13 AM): Spider-Man and Wolverine
TheGoogly (9:25:23 AM): didn't catch it
DWarwick221 (9:26:17 AM): spidey and wolvie
DWarwick221 (9:26:24 AM): gotta get them in more books
TheGoogly (9:27:04 AM): totally while they're at it they should throw in venom and carnage
TheGoogly (9:27:13 AM): for the kids
DWarwick221 (9:27:15 AM): and some clones
TheGoogly (9:27:19 AM): totally
DWarwick221 (9:28:31 AM): wow just got a boner
DWarwick221 (9:28:46 AM): that comic will be so aesome
TheGoogly (9:29:13 AM): and have the avengers repay peter's help by bringing gwen stacy back from the dead
TheGoogly (9:29:55 AM): thor's a god he can do it
DWarwick221 (9:30:19 AM): but in reality they just hang her from strings and he bangs the corpse and everyone
makes fun of him
DWarwick221 (9:30:29 AM): especially MJ cuz shes bangin Tony Stark
TheGoogly (9:30:41 AM): lol
TheGoogly (9:31:16 AM): but Tony Stark i in a alternate reality and MJ is really banging mysterio
DWarwick221 (9:31:28 AM): LOL
DWarwick221 (9:31:32 AM): but mysterio died
TheGoogly (9:31:38 AM): this is his son
TheGoogly (9:31:43 AM): avenging his death
DWarwick221 (9:31:45 AM): his girl son
DWarwick221 (9:31:53 AM): with giant boobs
TheGoogly (9:31:57 AM): MJ banging a dude that 's really a girl
TheGoogly (9:32:06 AM): a hot girl
TheGoogly (9:32:17 AM): like "Just One of the Guys"
DWarwick221 (9:32:31 AM): but its really not MJ its Madelyne Pryor after some facial reconstructive surgery
DWarwick221 (9:32:44 AM): and it turns out Mr. Sinister is really Uncle Ben
TheGoogly (9:32:53 AM): holy shit i knew it all along
DWarwick221 (9:32:59 AM): HOLY EFF!
DWarwick221 (9:33:09 AM): we just wrote a blockbuster summer event
TheGoogly (9:33:48 AM): don't forget that mojo is banging aunt may, black widow, and the scarlet witch
with mechanized his penises
DWarwick221 (9:33:59 AM): holy eff
TheGoogly (9:34:20 AM): and Longshot and dazzler save the day
DWarwick221 (9:34:34 AM): then DD shows up in the 90s armor suit and everyone has a sitcom laugh at his expense
TheGoogly (9:34:39 AM): lol
DWarwick221 (9:35:14 AM): but then Spidey goes "man i should get back into my Spider-Armor" that way the
issue can have a chromium embossed pressed-out McFarlane drawn cover
DWarwick221 (9:35:30 AM): and he comes with a Hologram card of Gambit jerking it
TheGoogly (9:35:56 AM): jerking it to a pic of Hank McCoy
DWarwick221 (9:36:26 AM): wait X-Men Hank McCoy, Avengers Hank McCoy, or DEFENDERS HANK MCCOY!!!!!
TheGoogly (9:37:05 AM): all of em The Watchers have brought them all from teh respective timelines to help in
the fight against Galactus' Pubic Hair
DWarwick221 (9:37:42 AM): b/c theyre sworn not to interfere
TheGoogly (9:37:48 AM): exactly
TheGoogly (9:38:01 AM): and they know gambit is kinda partial to defenders beast
DWarwick221 (9:38:06 AM): and then Luke Cage shows up in the yellow shirt with the collar and does
E V E R Y O N E in the butt
DWarwick221 (9:38:35 AM): especially Uatu
TheGoogly (9:38:44 AM): but it's all an xavier ruse he just thinks he's banging them all in the butt
TheGoogly (9:39:05 AM): in reality the juggernaut is giving luke cage a pearl necklace
DWarwick221 (9:39:12 AM): except its not Xavier
DWarwick221 (9:39:15 AM): its ONSLAUGHT 2
TheGoogly (9:39:18 AM): holy shit
DWarwick221 (9:39:22 AM): but this time hes not fused with Magneto
DWarwick221 (9:39:26 AM): hes fused with Arcade
TheGoogly (9:40:10 AM): i think this story belongs to the people
DWarwick221 (9:40:13 AM): come over and hang
DWarwick221 (9:40:17 AM): ill email it to Bendis
DWarwick221 (9:40:19 AM): right now
TheGoogly (9:40:21 AM): put it in your LJ
DWarwick221 (9:40:27 AM): okay
TheGoogly (9:40:32 AM): then email the link to bendis
DWarwick221 (9:40:36 AM): i will
DWarwick221 (9:40:38 AM): done
TheGoogly (9:40:40 AM): and john byrne
DWarwick221 (9:40:51 AM): OMG we should claremont and byrne to write and draw it
TheGoogly (9:40:57 AM): swweeeeett
DWarwick221 (9:40:58 AM): and by write and draw i mean PHONE IT IN
DWarwick221 (9:41:11 AM): you know they did the Dark Phoenix saga right?
TheGoogly (9:41:17 AM): yep
DWarwick221 (9:41:18 AM): lol
TheGoogly (9:41:32 AM): and have old man kubert do some insert pages
DWarwick221 (9:41:37 AM): i wish i could do one good story then be able to write shitty stories for the next 2 decades
TheGoogly (9:41:39 AM): that look he shit on a page
TheGoogly (9:41:53 AM): i'm out

Whew, I'm spent! All right, if you're still with me, folks, anyone who can send this to anyone at Marvel. Go right ahead! I'll be sittin' around waitin' for my big job offer. I mean, come on, you get a comic job if you know obscure lame villians like Arcade . . . or Dr. Light? ;)

The Legend Of Dos Monitoros

Thu, 12 Aug 2004 15:18:08 GMT

Ok, here it comes, buckos! An effin NEW post! Prepare yourselves cuz I've got a story for ya. This is a heart-wrenching, yet Awesome® tale. Okay, for those who are extremely un-Awesome® and don't know this, I have a two monitor computer system. Yeah, I know, way sweeter than you. TWO MONITORS! That's friggin' sweet! Now, the skeptics ask, "Why do you need two monitors?" Well, losers, that equals double the screen space. I can full-screen a DVD or a video game and use the other monitor for chatting on internet surfing or other such stuff. So, now I suppose that you're thoroughly convinced and your mind is blown, tragedy struck my totally Awesome®-ly huge and cool and sweet apartment last week. Mr. Screen, my trusty right-hand monitor for 4 years, is now taking The Long Un-plug and resting in The Big CompUSA In The Sky. Apparently, it was his time to go, and, even though I wasn't ready for it, I have to respect that. Good night, sweet prince. *Tear* *Sob* *Whimper* Okay, okay, I'm okay. I've found someone new. I know Mr. Screen would want me to move on. What I'm over-elaborating is THAT I GOT A TOTALLY B*TCHIN' NEW MONITOR! It's a 15in LCD flat panel. Now, that is cool in itself, but here's where it gets cooler. It's the screen from a PlayStation2 kiosk (the cool looking metal things you can play on in stores). What that means is that the monitor has video inputs (2 of 'em, a RCA input and a S-Video input) on top of being a computer monitor. So, it can be a monitor and then you can push a button and switch to the XBox you have hooked up and then you can hit another button and switch to a PS2. That's Gorram ridiculous. But, of course, because I'm Awesome®, it gets better. The monitor has PICTURE-IN-PICTURE. That's right! That means WHILE it's being my 2nd computer monitor, I can PIP up a li'l window in the corner to play XBox on. Wow, it's Awesome®!

In other news, I discovered that my Awesome® apartment building has a barbershop IN IT right next to the independant punk rock record label store thing. A BARBERSHOP! It's awesome. It's this old guy who cuts hair pretty good. The best part of this story is the sign on the door that says "ATTENTION! Haircuts are now $7.00!" $7.00!!! That's Awesome®. And what's Awesome®-r is that the sign implies that haircuts were once less than $7.00! *Smart, Witty Laugh*

Okay, jokes, I'm out.

Shaggin' In The Thestral Wagon

Mon, 26 Jul 2004 15:58:19 GMT

The Overseas Threat To Our Nation's Awesome®

Fri, 16 Jul 2004 19:25:25 GMT

Well, I know you kiddos have been chomping at the Bit waiting for a new Awesome® post. It's been clearly evidenced by the numerous bite marks all over the Bit everyday when he comes home from work. But, eff you, I've been busy. I gots me a new apartment, a new job, and I've been busy being Awesome® 28 hours a day. You try doing that. Do it. Try. See, you failed. Loser. So, without further ado (and without further reminders of just how amazingly Lame you are), the Quack Attack is back, Jack!

So, I was at the mall today, and Nate and I decided to peruse the Graphic Novel section of Borders. And on my approach to the Glory Wall, this little eight-year-old kid in short shorts and a matching tucked-in T-shirt is in my way ORGANIZING THE EFFIN SAILOR MOON DIGESTS! I walk past him and his Lamery and start checking out Awesome® stuff, and that's when he turns and says, "I have a recommendation for you. Check out this cool book about Sailor Mercury." I was stunned. This kid has been brain-washed by those foreign bastards from the Far East into thinking this stuff is cool. So, being the great Ambassador I am, I offer him a Batman trade. IGNORED! He comes back with some other Sailor Lame book. I suggest the Friendly Neighborhood Wall-Crawler himself. SHUT DOWN! Comes back with Crappy Jap stuff again! It wasn't even a real comic! It was pictures from the TV show printed with words from the TV show and it was 13 bucks! So, I rushed into a hurry-up offense and decided to bring out the big guns to keep those Jappos from making him all-the-way-gay.

I handed him The Essential Captain America Volumes 1 And 2.

Captain America. The most patriotic super-hero of all time. A man who was frozen for fifty years, woke up, and said, "Man, that was effin cold. Time to start kicking foreign A's again for the good ol' U.S. of A.!" His costume was made from the Stars And Stripes. I put AMERICA in the hands of this Little Buddha.

And he said, "I don't like Captain America. He's not cool." And offered once again a big-eyed girl in a rainbow skirt with a fairy wand. The Big Red Dot is attacking this country's children! What is Homeland Security going to do about this?! Citizens, it's time we rise up and kick all this foreign card-collecting, rainbow-fairy-wand-waving, Jap crap right the Heck out of this great States!

WHO'S WITH ME?!!!

The Herald Of Awesome®

Sun, 20 Jun 2004 21:53:47 GMT

So, this post is dedicated to someone. An Awesome® person. Jeff Spicoli, you effin showed Mr. Hand who ruled the school. You banged Madonna and were coked up ALL THE EFFIN TIME! Dude, you were Sam. You effin beat up 50 cops in Mystic River. You're SEAN FREAKIN' PENN! If Awesome® manifested itself into a giant, purple, robot-looking, Eater Of Worlds with lame-ass, frickin' unnecessary horn-things, well, you, my friend, would be the silvery, b*tchin' swell, flying surfboarder who comes before to say "Hey, b*tches, kiss your A-holes goodbye, because me and this guy are hardcore badasses!

Intelligent segue. Witty banter. And a so hilarious you piss yourself pop culture reference that makes you . . . well, I guess, piss yourself. Damn.

Movie Pass news,
24) 21 GRAMS - Sean Penn, you're so unnaturally sweet that you make this movie play backwards...and Awesome®!
25) ANYTHING ELSE - Woody Allen's first funny film since...um, congratulations to Woody Allen for making a funny film! Good job, buddy!
26) CRADLE 2 THE GRAVE - Man, eff the guy who decided that rappers and kung-fu action stars are inseparable. Jet Li does some cool shit and then Tom Arnold says a semi-funny comment. If that appeals to you, here ya go.
27) S.W.A.T. - If you just want to see people be hardcore emm-effers, then this film rocks. Light on plot, heavy on Bullseye and Mace Windu being rock-out Awesome®.
28) THE SANTA CLAUSE 2 - Highly predictable ending but nice little sequel to a great kid's film. However, I still think I liked Tim Allen more when he was drunk and coked up all the time. If you liked the first one or in the mood for some X-Mas cheer, hit it up. It's good stuff.
29) FREAKY FRIDAY - Lindsey Lohan is so HOTT!!! Like really hott! Really really hott!
30) IDENTITY - It has John Cusack and Ray Liotta. FREAKIN' B*TCHIN'!!!!

Cleverly funny ending summation. Petty mocking of the reader.

Blockbuster Is My Biatch

Fri, 18 Jun 2004 22:58:34 GMT

I reached a pinnacle today in my Awesomeness. In one week, thanks to the masterful genius that is the Movie Pass, Nate and I have rented 25 movies. ONE WEEK! Damn, I'm Awesome®! Amazingly effin Awesome®! Like, you can't effin fathom how wickefantasticoolb*tchin' I am. I'm nifty jive, wicked slick, and b*tchin' swell.

You might be asking why this 25th rental is so important. Well, allow me to eloquently elaborate. The Blockbuster Movie Pass costs 25 dollars a month. A normal, non-Movie Pass rental at the double-B costs, according to the reciept, $3.99. So, for 25 rentals at normal price, it costs $99.75. We paid $24.99. That means we saved $74.76! And that's just SO FAR! It's only been ONE WEEK! We still have to 7/11 to keep renting. Suck it, Blockbuster! I own you! Why, you ask? CUZ I'M EFFIN SWEET!

22) STARSHIP TROOPERS 2: HERO OF THE FEDERATION - Um, this movie was made. I can't tell you whether or not that was a good decision, because I'm just not sure. It's really not a sequel to Starship Troopers, so much as it is a really, crappy, low-budget horror flick. Rent if you liked the first one. This really hott girl gets butt-naked, so that's a plus.
23) MY BOSS'S DAUGHTER (R-Rated Version) - Wow, I've often said, often, that Ashton Kutcher is unnaturally Lame! However, thanks to an amazing turn by General Zod PLUS the most ridiculously funny chain of events I've seen in awhile, this film is Awesome®. Trust me, check it.
Our 24th and 25th are Woody Allen's ANYTHING ELSE and Sean Penn's 21 GRAMS. I'll report on them later.

Peace.

Sweet Ass Movie Pass

Fri, 18 Jun 2004 17:55:55 GMT

Movie Pass is so effin Awesome®! Join the ranks! Your country needs you!

20) THE STATION AGENT - This Miramax flick stars 24 villian Hector Salazar AND A MIDGET! Together, they learn that midgetness sucks as they befriend this weird chick and talk a lot! Results in alternating Awesome® and Boredom. It's pretty funny, too.
21) THE ITALIAN JOB - Marky Mark and a Funky Bunch that includes Jack Bauer's dad and The Transporter rock some socks in this remake. Mini Coopers are freakin' sweet. They're way more freakin' sweet in this movie than they ever could be in reality but that's okay.

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW (CUZ KNOWING IS HALF THE BATTLE):
Seth Green is The Real Napster. And he owns you. You just don't know it yet.

Hey, Coop! You're on!

Fri, 18 Jun 2004 04:21:25 GMT

We begin this post of posts with some Movie Pass news,
17) THE SOPRANOS (Season 4, Disc 4) - I'm not even going to bother. You already know it's Awesome®.
18) MIRACLE - In this one, The Computer Who Wore Tennis Shoes coaches the U.S. Olympic Hockey Team. Hilarity and camaraderie ensue.
19) ALONG CAME POLLY - Ben Stiller is a funny guy. He's a laugh and a half. Unless, of course, you're watching Along Came Polly. If you are, then Ben Stiller isn't funny. Neither is the film.
Big movie renting weekend coming up. Stay tuned for continual Awesome® updates.

Another night o' the hit show Private Wars. I say hit because tonight I hit a lamp off of a desk during the show and it shatterred all over the place. I didn't do it on purpose, but I certainly thought that it resulted in some kickassery.

So, today, Nate saw this like middle schooler in a pink Furby t-shirt playing with Pogs. Apparently, the kid had this Day-Glo orange slammer Nate had back in 1992 before he threw all his Pogs away because Pogs are Lamer than the middle sister on Family Matters (the one that went upstairs at the end of one season and NEVER came back down). Nate smacked the kid for being Lame. Then, he took the slammer back, pretended that he was taking it home, laughed, and threw it right into that little punk's nuts. Eff that kid. Pogs are Lame.

Here's a question. Whatever happened to Mr. Cooper? You think he's still teaching kids how to rock out as an ex-pro basketball player who lived with first two hot chicks then one hot chick, his cousin, and lame-ass Raven-Symone (otherwise known as "the poisoned knife that stabbed The Cosby Show 'til it died a horrible and painful death"). Mr. Cooper was effin' sweet. He got to hang out with Uncle Jesse one time. That's way more times than you ever got to hang out with Uncle Jesse. Coop constantly got entertained and annoyed by the antics of Wild 'N' Crazy Kids host Omar Gooding Jr. and that annoying little horny bastard neighbor.

Aight, I'm out, yo. Go play with your Pogs, you f*g.

Gordon Bombay Is Bangin' Your Mom . . . Right Now

Thu, 17 Jun 2004 03:47:59 GMT

Last night, Nate (the Viceroy of Awesome) had this dream. Apparently, he dreamt that he was banging Julie "The Cat" Gaffney. Connie was naked and videotaping and Guy (pronounced Gee) sat in the corner, crying. The Cat was loving it, because Nate was wearing nothing but his Air Bombay Loafers, for "kids who wanna coach." Then Gordon Bombay came in banging Charlie's mom and she was loving it. Then Nate and Gordon high-fived and it was Awesome®. Gordon finished up the party by shooting his Awesome® all over Charlie's first Mighty Ducks jersey (the stupid green one with the cartoon bird that he still wore to school in the third movie). Needless to say, he won't be wearing it in the fourth one. Take that, Charlie.

In Movie Pass news,
14) THE SOPRANOS (Season 4, Disc 2): Sopranos are so Awesome®!
15) VIEW FROM THE TOP: Wowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, this movie was two things: Teh Lame and Teh Suck. Mike Myers effin slummed it for this'un.
16) THE SOPRANOS (Season 4, Disc 3): I don't know. Seriously, no clue. Disc 1 and Disc 2 were Awesome, but I dunno. Figure it out yourself, Commander Intellect.

Oh, by the way, you might've noticed that S.C.o.A. McElroy (prior post, for those who aren't keeping up) promoted me to Admiral Awesome. I now have my own Awesome® capital ship, kinda like a Star Destroyer except waaaaaay more bitchin'. It shoots green AND blue shit at you. Damn, I'm sweet.

Private Wars went really effin wickefantasticoolb*tchin' AND sweet. That means it was better than Footloose, Ecto Cooler, and Teddy Ruxpin AND his sweet-ass audio tapes (which he narrated through the wonders of modern technology) combined. Wow, that's like...wow.

Man, this ESS is TITS. Frickin' hella cool.

Commander Keen Was A Pretty Sweet Game

Wed, 16 Jun 2004 03:28:20 GMT

Well, another un-Awesome eight-hour shift at the theatre. However, the plays are going really well. "Private Wars" opens tomorrow, so bitchin'. I'm gettin' really excited now cuz Jack saw it tonight and was really impressed with my work. So, if that doesn't make you want to come and see how Awesome I am, then you suck. What I'm trying to say here is come see the play.

And now for the Movie Pass,
12) THE SOPRANOS (Season 4, Disc 1): The Sopranos are freakin' muy-uber-awesome. It's so awesome it takes three languages to describe it.
13) WONDERLAND: Val Kilmer plays John Holmes the "Porn King" in this. The freakin' PORN KING! Did you catch that? P O R N K I N G! Why am I making a point of this? Weeeeeellllll, the movie has no effin nudity!

This post lacks humor, I know. Oh well, suck it. The title was effin hilarious. You know you remember that ESS. Commander Keen ruled the 8-bit pc universe and you and your mom and My Little Pony. Commander Keen is better than all of that.

Today's Post Number 2: Electric Boogaloo

Tue, 15 Jun 2004 04:13:30 GMT

Well, who wants to hear what was totally not Awesome®? Being at the theatre for 8 and a half hours. That was way Lame. So, eff that. But now, I'm here and I'm Awesome®. Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta. I'm just sittin' poolside at my palatial estate watchin' The Sopranos.

Here's a message for the heartbroken:
Whenever My Life Gets Me So Down
I Know I Can Go Down (Down, Down, Down)
To Where The Music And The Fun Never Ends
As Long As The Music Keeps Playin'
You Know What I'm Sayin'
I Know That I Can Find A Friend
DOWN AT THE ROUNDHOUSE!

To all my homies in the 3-1-3 (I really don't know what that means.), keep it real. I have Awesome® to go hurry up and be.
Plus, a bevy of uber-hot chicks who want to bang me. A lot. Way more than you do (and I know that's a eff-ton of times).

Math Equation: Awesome® = Me = This LJ
Awesome® Tip Of The Day: Downloading Punchline songs will increase your chance of being Awesome® by roughly 1.3893473% and your penis size by .34389743 inches. (Eff that spam mail.)

Justin McElroy: Supreme Chancellor Of Awesome

Mon, 14 Jun 2004 17:09:08 GMT

Welcome back, you special, special people.

This post is about a man, a great man. Some say the greatest man who ever lived. This man's name is Justin McElroy. He sits on the Council of Awesome in the seat of Supreme Chancellor. That means, if this was Star Wars, then he would eventually kill everyone else who was Awesome and then become Emperor of Awesome. Fortunately, that probably won't happen. Probably. Well, anyway, Justin made a recommendation to me that I might've thumbed my nose at. This is an apology for that thumb. So, everyone, if you see Justin, praise him in his Awesome. I say this, because he is a lot cooler than you. Seriously. Like a billion times better. Thank you, Justin.

In Movie Pass news,
10) SPY KIDS - Robert Rodriguez is pretty Awesome. This movie, albeit for the little ones, has I would say 11% Awesome in it.
11) THE RUNDOWN - S.C.o.A. McElroy's recommendation. The Rock beats some ass in this and it rocks. Hard. Harder than you.
Latest rentals include Val Kilmer's "porno" Wonderland and The Sopranos Season 4 Disc 1. I'll already tell you now, in case you're absolutely Lame. Anything The Sopranos is Awesome.

You bore me. More later.

Calzones Are Awesome®...Plus Movie Pass Is Still Awesome®

Mon, 14 Jun 2004 00:05:41 GMT

So, earlier, I discussed how Awesome® the Movie Pass was. I hope I didn't scare you kiddos away with my Awesome®-ness. That just happened to be the first post and I wanted to make sure you understood how this whole LJ deal is gonna go with me. So, sit back, relax, and wallow in just how bitchin' this LJ is.

Oh, coming up soon at Marshall University Theatre:
Private Wars (Wednesday June 16 Thursday June 17 Friday June 25 Saturday June 26) Starring: Me, Slice, and Nick Reynolds
Anton In Show Business (Friday June 18 Saturday June 19 Wednesday June 23 Thursday June 24) Starring: The Girls
Come See The Shows! Every Night At 8!

In Movie Pass news,
9) MONSTER - Wow, amazingly Awesome®. Charlise Theron looked way ugly, but the movie was totalled EFFED up and sweet.
We also rented SPY KIDS and THE RUNDOWN. They better be good, b/c Juice bet our friendship on it. Juice is also the latest of my soon-to-be-ginormous army of Movie Passers.

A big special Graci to Gino's for making me and Nate some uber-sweet pepperoni and extra-cheese calzones the past few days. We stopped eating chicken soft tacos at Rio Grande and we've moved onto Awesome® calzones.

Enough for now. I'm Awesome®.

The Greatness Of Movie Pass

Sun, 13 Jun 2004 19:02:36 GMT

So, I like things that are Awesome. In my quest for Eternal Awesome, I have come across the Blizock Bizuster Mizovie Pizass (for those of you who don't speak Awesome, that's Blockbuster Movie Pass). It's effin sweet, dude. It's 25 bucks a month, and you can just rent 2 movies at a time for an unlimited amount of time and then just go get 2 more movies and not have to pay any more. Dude, you don't even need to show them your Blockbuster card. So, my Awesome sidekick Nate and I have decided to abuse the ESS out of this. In under 48 hours, we've rented 9 movies. And say it with me, kids. "That's Awesome!"

Here's the breakdown:
1) PAYCHECK - Ben Affleck invented the holodeck in this one. That's at least semi-Awesome. It would have got a full-on robot Awesome if Beatrix Kiddo would've done more than just bang Affleck.
2) PETER PAN - Well, Peter Pan is never not Awesome. I mean, come on, it's the story of a boy who can never grow out of his Awesome-ness. Just don't let the freaky kid from Frailty's lithp bother you too much. Oh yeah, and Jason Isaacs, you are effin sweet.
3) MYSTIC RIVER - Sean Penn should have got an Oscar for being so freakin' Awesome, cuz this movie is Teh Awesome.
4) THE MATRIX REVOLUTIONS - We only rented this because Nate had never seen it. Sucks.
5) CLUB DREAD - The team of Awesome behind Super Troopers made this parody of slasher flicks, and it turned out pretty b*tchin'.
6) 2 FAST 2 FURIOUS - Not nearly as Awesome as 8 Fast 9 Furious, but the series still has time to grow. Another Nate-never-saw rental.
7) THE TRIPLETS OF BELLEVILLE - This was a nifty jive little animated French movie. Check it out if you can ignore the fact that it's French.
8) TIMELINE - Wow, Paul Walker has absolutely no Awesome in his blood. I bet if he got an Awesome transfusion, all the Lame cells in his body would eat them.
9) MONSTER - Haven't watched this one, yet. But at least I didn't have to pay or show my card in order to rent it.

Well, wow, my first post is complete. And, by complete, I clearly mean Awesome. Come back for more, kiddies. I have loads more Awesome to teach you and for you to enjoy.